Cookies VS Holocaust

All the remaining copies of Warm Bodies are gone now, and as a result, I won't have to sell my bed yet. Wait that sounds like prostitution. I won't have to sell my couch. That's slightly better. Thanks guys. You keep my boat afloat.

Nautical metaphors! I must be writing this from a cabin near the ocean! Why yes, yes I am actually. Family vacation and whatnot. Two parents, four siblings, two nephews, two dogs, a niece, and me. One thing I've observed so far is that kids really have a small emotional range. It takes pretty devastating trauma to get me to cry or scream, but all a kid needs is to recieve the wrong flavor of juice. I wondered if this is just because they haven't experienced enough real trauma to give them perspective. If you think of it as a scale, with 0 being happy and content, and 10 being totally heartbroken, it makes sense that they would have a different boiling point based on what they've experienced so far. If the worst thing you've ever heard of was getting denied video games for a month, then that would become your 10, so maybe not getting a cookie when you really want a cookie would land an 8 or 9. Whereas an adult's 10 is maybe their wife's death or going through the Holocaust or something. So then not getting a cookie when they really want a cookie is something like a 0.3 on the scale, and causes zero tears or screaming. The obvious conclusion is that all children should have their wives killed and/or spend a year in concentration camps to gain perspective. Ok I'm going back to the beach now bye.

.

Panhandlin' (a few books left)

Hey guys. So, yeah, I'm gonna have to sell my last 4 copies of WARM BODIES. I had planned to hold on to a few to use as loaners, but I am pretty hard-up right now, so I'm going to have to cash out. I know this sounds miserly but I'm going to have to actually sell these at a profitable price---20$ instead of the former at-production-cost 15$. What can I say, I gotta eat, preferably not people...but don't put it past me.

So if there's still anyone out there who wants a copy (one of them is slightly worn from frequent shelving and unshelving---bonus surprise!) please Paypal me 20$ + 3$ shipping (23$! Lord!) to this de-spammed email address:

isaacinspace at gmail.com

Thank you so much. I really love you people.

-Isaac

A runrant caused by runner's high

I'll just be honest get ready how about I just say it, I hate weekends, I hate the crowds of worms that poke out of their earth holes and roam up and down the sidewalk for no reason, standing on street corners for no reason, going in and out of establishments for no reason and making eye contact with me when I run by them for no reason, eye contact for no reason, absent five days then suddenly showing up in my world like they own it. I want there to be less of them, I want there to be less people, same city but less people, less blacks, less whites, less men, less women, less everyone so I can breathe my own air not theirs and I need a lot of air to breathe because I'm jogging. Misanthrope, agoraphobic, maybe maybe maybe but I like weekdays, weekday mornings, early-early monday mornings when everything is just barely open and you'd have to be crazy to be out and around, when the population level is just right because it's just me.

Since this is not the case I jog around the far outskirts of my neighborhood, swapping sidewalks back and forth, dodging purposeless pedestrians like asteroids, crows follow me on the telephone lines and caw at me for no reason, I stand on a bridge while a train blasts by under my feet and stare down its smokestack into its fiery guts just before the smog cooks my face, I think about jumping down onto it spystyle or maybe just drizzling Pollock paint onto the boxcars as they pass, then I jog home while old ladies stare at me from their living room, I jog all the way home, pausing only to meow at cats.

The Worst Pain In the World!!

In another wide-eyed trance of Wikipedia crawling, I found this horrifying and fascinating thing:

CLUSTER HEADACHES!

Doesn't sound too ominous...maybe just a headache that comes and goes in groups...? WRONG. Apparently, cluster headaches are an extreme neurological problem that makes the most severe migraine you've ever imagined look like a whiny two-beer hangover.

The feeling is described as a spike being driven through the center of your skull, or someone trying to rip out your eyeball through the back of your head. The degree of pain it causes has been compared to amputating limbs without anesthesia. Women compare it to the pain of natural childbirth and say it's MUCH WORSE.

CLUSTER HEADACHES ARE CONSIDERED BY MEDICAL SCIENCE TO BE THE WORST PAIN HUMAN BEINGS EVER EXPERIENCE.

ISN'T THAT FUCKED UP??

And people who suffer from this condition sometimes have attacks up to TWENTY TIMES A WEEK. No wonder they're also referred to as "suicide headaches"--apparently many victims have to be put under 24 hour suicide watch because they will gladly off themselves at the first warning sign just to escape the coming headache.

HOW TOTALLY BATSHIT IS THAT??

The horrible irony of it is that the Worst Pain In The Universe is caused by something that isn't even physically harmful. Medically, the headaches are considered "benign", because nothing in your body is actually being damaged, basically your brain just suddenly decides to tell you that you're experiencing cosmically vast agony for NO REASON WHATSOEVER.

ALSO THERE IS NO CURE. There are a variety of preventative medicines and methods to ease the pain, but all of these are feeble semi-solutions that often FAIL.

Interestingly, one of the reportedly successful methods of ending a headache is to "accutely modulate hypthalmic function" BY HAVING SEX.

CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT KIND OF ANGRY CRAZY SCREAMING HELLSEX THAT WOULD BE??

HOW CAN ANYTHING BE SO TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY EFFED????

In other words......everyone, everywhere, stop complaining about anything, ever.